my cans

my cans
they are mine!

Monday, September 6, 2010

Life in my world

My faithful readers, yes both of you.

I have not mentioned a major advancement of the me situation. I am no longer jobless or a hobo. I know. It is a travesty I know, but in this day and age people need space as well as shelter.

In the last few months I have been working long and hard, and struggling to pay the rent, but my own place was indeed worth the monet.... That was how how I originally wrote it, and well it sounds the same as money lol.

My fellow Blogians I have an announcement. I am turning 21. Momentous indeed. Though not such a big deal in my country, turning 21 means that any country that sells alcohol can no longer refuse service to me.


But I need ideas Blogospherians. How does one celebrate their birthday in such a manner as to be considered irresponsible, but fun. Make it memorable without landing in jail. I need to do something big, but not killing a hooker big. I just don't know what I should do. So give me ideas in the comments.

Thursday, September 2, 2010

zomg hiatus

wow I finally broke back into my blog.

Wurd to all other motorists in melbourne, specifically the impatient ones.
Doors lollipop. seriously it is gross and may give you herpes....

Will elaborate further at a later date

Saturday, May 1, 2010

broke. or am I?

Lets start something here. Who has had one of those poor me moments where you went around currying sympathy because you believed something to be true that wasn't.

I did this week.

As far as I knew I had less money than rent, which didn't even cover food.

So I was crying poor to everyone I knew and when I finally had the gumption to withdraw my rent from an atm, it gave me my receipt and I stood there for a full minute just reading my docket. It must be a mistake I thought. I had a balance that exceeded four digits in integer values (yes I was a thousandaire). Yes typical me, the moment I have money my first thought is far from woohoo I am rich. It is there MUST be something wrong. Money and I don't get along.

So I drove home, had a meager meal (as I thought it was a mistake you see, so I wasn't spending money that I didn't believe was mine), then went on the internet and checked my accounts online. It was no mistake. The money had been deposited by a rich benefactor (also known as a previous employer, who felt bad for mentally destroying me then firing me, so they aren't so bad after all).

So today I sat down and thought as a new thousandaire, how should I celebrate?

The obvious answer was to go to the local go karting track and go around in elaborate circles for a while. I thought that it would burn off the steam that had been brewing for weeks.

Boy was I wrong. For starters, any 15 year old who thinks that they are a gun in a car, should stop. SLAP themselves, then realise that no matter how good they are 5% of the population is better than them.

It is not cool to 'drift' in a go kart. All that does is make me slam on the brakes to avoid ramming their sides flipping their kart, and gives them the false sense of speed as they momentarily are faster than me.

Also they have a few simple rules. No bumping, no sliding, when the light is orange go slow (walking pace people), when the light is red, stop.

I was the only one who respected these rules, and eventually got sick of being over taken so was swerving all over the road when it was orange at the determined speed of slow. This was a big mistake. I was rammed from all sides by these 15 year olds, and on the other side of the track they kept crashing into the accident that caused the orange so they flashed a red. So I stopped. This was an even bigger mistake. Now I was rammed from the side by a bigger speed difference, and at one stage was somehow rammed from behind by someone who was going flat out with the light STILL red.

Moral of the story. Le Mans go karting in the dandenong region is bad stay away from it. Spend the extra money to go to the one in port Melbourne which will actually kill your engine if you fail to abide by the speed restriction under orange light. They also have a better track, better karts, better timekeeping, and they give $300 to the FASTEST lap time of the month.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

trade offs

I have had this theory brewing in my mind over the past few months, and I would like to share it with you (prior warning, This blog is proof that I conjured these ideas from my own mind at the date of publishing therefore anyone trying to say that these ideas are their own have been forewwarned).

In my mind society has been built on the theory of a line. Do you line up at the supermarket to pay for your shopping? Do you do so even in a rush? Do you wait behind that dear old lady who did not read and has brought 30 million items to the express checkout? If you answered yes to these questions I have one final question for you. What is stopping you from pushing in front of her? I mean what is physically stopping you?

To line up for things is a uniquely human trait. In a world of survival of the fittest, a line does not make sense as it is first come first served. The first one may have no ability to fight off those who are stronger than he, yet we all wait for them to finish before moving sedately along. (like anything I understand that there are exceptions, I call these people 'jerks')

The reason I put forth for this activity is that we as a society have traded our ability to push in front of those weaker for the security that those stronger than us will also abide by this rule. The only two exceptions to this rule are the one person who is strongest who has nothing to gain, and the one person who is weakest who loses nothing. The stongest person will not remain so forever so they in fact have future gains if they follow this rule as the future strongest person, who followed the rule prior is now the strongest and may very well follow this rule.

A line is seen as slow moving, and frustrating, but I ask you this: Is order more efficient? does it take less time to serve the person at the front of the line than it would to have to serve whoever is currently winning the battle of strength?

But joblesshobo. You are a jobless hobo what would you know about power and wealth? I can hear maybe a half a person saying. Exactly. Without a job I know what it is to be without strength or power, and I have spent many an hour in line, sending invisible daggers to the person in front of me at the welfare agency who has a poor grasp on the English language and thinks that they are entitled to enough money to afford a huge house, who slows up the whole process. Yet I wait in line. I do so because there are rules saying something along the lines that murder = no money from welfare agency.

Who enforces these rules? some argue the law, whilst others would say security or the police. Whilst technically true this is only the tip of the iceberg. I call the enforcer group power.

Statistically speaking the strength of all people if plotted on a graph would follow something like a bell curve with 65% of the population sitting roughly in the middle.

so lets discount the bottom half outside of this middle group. so 17.5% of people are the top echelons. now one on one these top people have little to fear from those below them, but how would they face off against the entire group below them? There are over four people for every one person in the top rungs of strength. have you ever seen one man fight five other guys at once? how did they end up? I am not talking about the scripted movie fights where the protagonist always wins with skill. I am talking about a street fight. Odds are the aggressor (strong man) came off second to the weak group who overcame them through sheer numbers.

We can take this a step further by arming everyone in society with a standard handgun. Don't get me wrong, I am not a gun nut who wants shoot outs left right and centre. I am merely bringing this point up for discussion. Now with everyone armed with a sidearm the sane people among us know that they might get off maybe five shots, or one well aimed one, after which time they would be shot by bystanders acting in self defence. Yes I understand that this is purely utopian viewpoint, but humour me. There would be people out there who cannot think far ahead enough to realise that aggression means death, I know, but for the vast majority of sane people out there, a duty to carry a sidearm would put everyone on a level strength playing field making a line the most suitable option for all involved to maintain the luxuries in life like breathing and life itself.

I expect comments and lots f them.

Sunday, April 25, 2010

definitely not the last post.

hi my avid readers.

Yes I am talking to BOTH of my followers, but not to be snobby I also welcome those people who have stumbled upon this magnificent page and those who regularly check it hoping in vain for new content.

Well for the latter of those people life is indeed looking up for you as here is new content, and you better enjoy it because it took a lot of umming and ahhing and a little bit of not knowing what I was doing to make this post. You see.... I forgot my password. Simple in theory to change, but one thing was holding me back. My webmail server has this little button hidden at the top of the page that in itself says check mailbox. Now what I didn't realise was that just refreshing my browser achieved nothing as for some unknown reason ( I blame space alien/gods/parasites) this particular webmail only checkes its own server when a special button asks politely. Not when I demand it. It is all high and mighty hidden away in its secure little hidey hole somewhere really secret sucking up lots of electricity, and being lazy.

In the end I reset my password and before you ask it isn't kitten1 (or is it?)

Now for the actual post.

This last week has been a verifiable hell. It started when the landlord came down from paradise for what I think was a trip that's sole purpose was to annoy me.

The first words uttered were
"great this place is lit up like a christmas tree. If the power bill goes up at all I am going to increase your rent.'
Now before you all make tisking noises and shame me for not being environmentally friendly allow me to list the lights that I left on:
the front light to assist them in entering the house.
the stairway and landing light to assist their treck up the stairs to their room
the kitchen and dining room light as that was where the tv was and I was playing games
the outside light because I had been going in and out for cigarettes because... well you know how tobacco and alcohol mix.

For those of you with diplomas and stuff you might have the aptitude to count the number of lights that were on. yes five (see I tricked you the kitchen and dining room have seperate lights). That is quite a reasonable number I might add.

Things only got worse as her entire clan arrived and overun the house, which whilst technically theirs on paper was mine and my fellow housemates' as long as we continued to pay rent, which we did. My cheap television was left on all the time by them (which really puts a dent in the whole lights=electricity bill argument doesn't it), I was not allowed to watch my shows, and my god do they make lots of noise at all hours of the day.

They also ate my snacks, drank my soft drink, used my butter (not that cheap one dollar buys a kilo bad margarine stuff, but four dollars for about half a kilo easily spread actual flavoursome butter)

This woman has no idea about how to run a rental property. Essentially the house is her's insofar that she gets money from it and can expect it to be maintained to the standard that it was LET out at. It is not her's to dictate what lights are left on or off, and if they expect me to weed the garden that was not been tended in over a year, they WILL be billed for my time at a reasonable rate for an untrained labourer at fifteen dollars an hour. so if it takes me more than say a day, I will not pay rent for a week. woot.

I also asked for a little contract to be written up to give me some boundaries, and a little protection. Nope. turns out that she wants to reserve the right to tell me to leave at a moments notice. However she expects me to give her two weeks notice before leaving. let me tell you this my audience. that is most certainly not going to happen. she will find out when the rent stops flowing and my stuff is gone. look for my next post on the theory I have that all laws are based on a trade off between security and ability.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010


all right people.

A lot has happened these past few days, and it has been soooooo busy that I have run myself into the ground and haven't had the energy to sit on my big muscular rear end and write you all an entertaining blog post.

So here is an apology

Sorry my avid readers

Back to the show at hand.

I fixed my body clock. hooray. Only to have that come crumbling down at about two in the morning on Sunday. There was a family emergency and I was called in as emergency baby sitting. which wasn't too bad. The worst part was waiting up until 4 am to find out any news on the matter, then thinking screw it and went to bed. I got one glorious hour of sleep before being woken up with news, then was kept up by a verbal altercation. It was both loud and scary so I thought that my presence was definitely required just in case my infinitely strong intervention was required. Which it wasn't.

Anyway I then drove The Little Man back to his dad's place of residence, resulting in me getting home at about 0830 am. I then slept all day. So all that hard work in fixing my body clock was wasted :(

Monday was also pretty uneventful, Tuesday (yesterday for those keeping score at home) I got MY stuff moved into my new home... Oh yeah... Readers I now live in a house with carpet, central heating a decent kitchen, a full bathroom. Yes it is a real house. I am sad about my factory, but screw it I have a BATH now.

Anyway got my stuff in last night which was awesome, now I do not have to blow up the thing I sleep with every night. I have a real bed with a real mattress, and real blankets. Though I have no desk so blogging is increasingly difficult.

Today I woke up with a headache that was over 9000 big. That is a huge number for a huge amount of pain. Just huge. Like bigger than Texas. and Texas is the size of one Vistoria (which in Australia is one of our SMALLEST states. suck it USA (sorry to all my American readers, I think you are lovely people and are a very interesting culture)) Ergo I spent most of today curled up in the feotal position begging the pain monster to go attack shinx instead :P

However my saviour came in the form of nurofen plus. that stuff is the bomb.

Anyway this post has been an effort. I have not told you my fans about my forays onto the roads where everyone else is crazy on the roads. But thats another story

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

The joys of a screwed bodyclock

Well my bodyclock is screwed. Nothing will fix it. Except maybe a coma. Has anyone ever tried fixing a body's internal time keeping mechanism through massive brain trauma? I would be totally up for being a guinea pig if it means that I have normal waking hours.

A wise man once told me.
Energy drinks will screw your life up. I think that wise man was my common sense. Which went out the window the moment I considered that it would momentarily increase my mental alertness and waking time all while tasting great. This was at 10pm. Now most people would be thinking at this time that it wouldn't be the best idea to have something that keeps you awake for hours. Not me. I just thought oh my god delicious! So I proceeded to drink the recommended maximum amount of caffeine for a 24 hr period after three coffees and a couple of cola drinks already.

This worked out well for two hours when I still had stuff to do online. Then I quickly got bored. So I went to bed. Only then did I realise my mistake. The realisation slowly came upon me. I am not going to get any sleep. It was depressing. So I cracked out my trusty DS, and played some entertaining games. This was fun for a few hours.

The time was 3 am. I had gleaned all the entertainment I could out of my computer, my DS and from nicotine. This was dire times. The worst part was that the mental alert was running out, so I was a sad, hyperactive, tired mess.

I don't know what time I eventually drifted off, but the last time indication I had was hearing garbage trucks driving past. After a very quick fact finding mission I found out that the EARLIEST that these trucks go past is 5 am. OMG. 5 am.

A quick calculation reveals that to get the recommended 8 hours of sleep, I would have to have woken up later that mid day. For those astute among you I will let you know that I have been up for an hour, and it isn't even 11 am.

I am so tired.

Something about cans... I cannot totally remember it through my sleep deprivation .