my cans

my cans
they are mine!

Monday, September 6, 2010

Life in my world

My faithful readers, yes both of you.

I have not mentioned a major advancement of the me situation. I am no longer jobless or a hobo. I know. It is a travesty I know, but in this day and age people need space as well as shelter.

In the last few months I have been working long and hard, and struggling to pay the rent, but my own place was indeed worth the monet.... That was how how I originally wrote it, and well it sounds the same as money lol.

My fellow Blogians I have an announcement. I am turning 21. Momentous indeed. Though not such a big deal in my country, turning 21 means that any country that sells alcohol can no longer refuse service to me.


But I need ideas Blogospherians. How does one celebrate their birthday in such a manner as to be considered irresponsible, but fun. Make it memorable without landing in jail. I need to do something big, but not killing a hooker big. I just don't know what I should do. So give me ideas in the comments.

Thursday, September 2, 2010

zomg hiatus

wow I finally broke back into my blog.

Wurd to all other motorists in melbourne, specifically the impatient ones.
Doors lollipop. seriously it is gross and may give you herpes....

Will elaborate further at a later date

Saturday, May 1, 2010

broke. or am I?

Lets start something here. Who has had one of those poor me moments where you went around currying sympathy because you believed something to be true that wasn't.

I did this week.

As far as I knew I had less money than rent, which didn't even cover food.

So I was crying poor to everyone I knew and when I finally had the gumption to withdraw my rent from an atm, it gave me my receipt and I stood there for a full minute just reading my docket. It must be a mistake I thought. I had a balance that exceeded four digits in integer values (yes I was a thousandaire). Yes typical me, the moment I have money my first thought is far from woohoo I am rich. It is there MUST be something wrong. Money and I don't get along.

So I drove home, had a meager meal (as I thought it was a mistake you see, so I wasn't spending money that I didn't believe was mine), then went on the internet and checked my accounts online. It was no mistake. The money had been deposited by a rich benefactor (also known as a previous employer, who felt bad for mentally destroying me then firing me, so they aren't so bad after all).

So today I sat down and thought as a new thousandaire, how should I celebrate?

The obvious answer was to go to the local go karting track and go around in elaborate circles for a while. I thought that it would burn off the steam that had been brewing for weeks.

Boy was I wrong. For starters, any 15 year old who thinks that they are a gun in a car, should stop. SLAP themselves, then realise that no matter how good they are 5% of the population is better than them.

It is not cool to 'drift' in a go kart. All that does is make me slam on the brakes to avoid ramming their sides flipping their kart, and gives them the false sense of speed as they momentarily are faster than me.

Also they have a few simple rules. No bumping, no sliding, when the light is orange go slow (walking pace people), when the light is red, stop.

I was the only one who respected these rules, and eventually got sick of being over taken so was swerving all over the road when it was orange at the determined speed of slow. This was a big mistake. I was rammed from all sides by these 15 year olds, and on the other side of the track they kept crashing into the accident that caused the orange so they flashed a red. So I stopped. This was an even bigger mistake. Now I was rammed from the side by a bigger speed difference, and at one stage was somehow rammed from behind by someone who was going flat out with the light STILL red.

Moral of the story. Le Mans go karting in the dandenong region is bad stay away from it. Spend the extra money to go to the one in port Melbourne which will actually kill your engine if you fail to abide by the speed restriction under orange light. They also have a better track, better karts, better timekeeping, and they give $300 to the FASTEST lap time of the month.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

trade offs

I have had this theory brewing in my mind over the past few months, and I would like to share it with you (prior warning, This blog is proof that I conjured these ideas from my own mind at the date of publishing therefore anyone trying to say that these ideas are their own have been forewwarned).

In my mind society has been built on the theory of a line. Do you line up at the supermarket to pay for your shopping? Do you do so even in a rush? Do you wait behind that dear old lady who did not read and has brought 30 million items to the express checkout? If you answered yes to these questions I have one final question for you. What is stopping you from pushing in front of her? I mean what is physically stopping you?

To line up for things is a uniquely human trait. In a world of survival of the fittest, a line does not make sense as it is first come first served. The first one may have no ability to fight off those who are stronger than he, yet we all wait for them to finish before moving sedately along. (like anything I understand that there are exceptions, I call these people 'jerks')

The reason I put forth for this activity is that we as a society have traded our ability to push in front of those weaker for the security that those stronger than us will also abide by this rule. The only two exceptions to this rule are the one person who is strongest who has nothing to gain, and the one person who is weakest who loses nothing. The stongest person will not remain so forever so they in fact have future gains if they follow this rule as the future strongest person, who followed the rule prior is now the strongest and may very well follow this rule.

A line is seen as slow moving, and frustrating, but I ask you this: Is order more efficient? does it take less time to serve the person at the front of the line than it would to have to serve whoever is currently winning the battle of strength?

But joblesshobo. You are a jobless hobo what would you know about power and wealth? I can hear maybe a half a person saying. Exactly. Without a job I know what it is to be without strength or power, and I have spent many an hour in line, sending invisible daggers to the person in front of me at the welfare agency who has a poor grasp on the English language and thinks that they are entitled to enough money to afford a huge house, who slows up the whole process. Yet I wait in line. I do so because there are rules saying something along the lines that murder = no money from welfare agency.

Who enforces these rules? some argue the law, whilst others would say security or the police. Whilst technically true this is only the tip of the iceberg. I call the enforcer group power.

Statistically speaking the strength of all people if plotted on a graph would follow something like a bell curve with 65% of the population sitting roughly in the middle.

so lets discount the bottom half outside of this middle group. so 17.5% of people are the top echelons. now one on one these top people have little to fear from those below them, but how would they face off against the entire group below them? There are over four people for every one person in the top rungs of strength. have you ever seen one man fight five other guys at once? how did they end up? I am not talking about the scripted movie fights where the protagonist always wins with skill. I am talking about a street fight. Odds are the aggressor (strong man) came off second to the weak group who overcame them through sheer numbers.

We can take this a step further by arming everyone in society with a standard handgun. Don't get me wrong, I am not a gun nut who wants shoot outs left right and centre. I am merely bringing this point up for discussion. Now with everyone armed with a sidearm the sane people among us know that they might get off maybe five shots, or one well aimed one, after which time they would be shot by bystanders acting in self defence. Yes I understand that this is purely utopian viewpoint, but humour me. There would be people out there who cannot think far ahead enough to realise that aggression means death, I know, but for the vast majority of sane people out there, a duty to carry a sidearm would put everyone on a level strength playing field making a line the most suitable option for all involved to maintain the luxuries in life like breathing and life itself.

I expect comments and lots f them.

Sunday, April 25, 2010

definitely not the last post.

hi my avid readers.

Yes I am talking to BOTH of my followers, but not to be snobby I also welcome those people who have stumbled upon this magnificent page and those who regularly check it hoping in vain for new content.

Well for the latter of those people life is indeed looking up for you as here is new content, and you better enjoy it because it took a lot of umming and ahhing and a little bit of not knowing what I was doing to make this post. You see.... I forgot my password. Simple in theory to change, but one thing was holding me back. My webmail server has this little button hidden at the top of the page that in itself says check mailbox. Now what I didn't realise was that just refreshing my browser achieved nothing as for some unknown reason ( I blame space alien/gods/parasites) this particular webmail only checkes its own server when a special button asks politely. Not when I demand it. It is all high and mighty hidden away in its secure little hidey hole somewhere really secret sucking up lots of electricity, and being lazy.

In the end I reset my password and before you ask it isn't kitten1 (or is it?)

Now for the actual post.

This last week has been a verifiable hell. It started when the landlord came down from paradise for what I think was a trip that's sole purpose was to annoy me.

The first words uttered were
"great this place is lit up like a christmas tree. If the power bill goes up at all I am going to increase your rent.'
Now before you all make tisking noises and shame me for not being environmentally friendly allow me to list the lights that I left on:
the front light to assist them in entering the house.
the stairway and landing light to assist their treck up the stairs to their room
the kitchen and dining room light as that was where the tv was and I was playing games
the outside light because I had been going in and out for cigarettes because... well you know how tobacco and alcohol mix.

For those of you with diplomas and stuff you might have the aptitude to count the number of lights that were on. yes five (see I tricked you the kitchen and dining room have seperate lights). That is quite a reasonable number I might add.

Things only got worse as her entire clan arrived and overun the house, which whilst technically theirs on paper was mine and my fellow housemates' as long as we continued to pay rent, which we did. My cheap television was left on all the time by them (which really puts a dent in the whole lights=electricity bill argument doesn't it), I was not allowed to watch my shows, and my god do they make lots of noise at all hours of the day.

They also ate my snacks, drank my soft drink, used my butter (not that cheap one dollar buys a kilo bad margarine stuff, but four dollars for about half a kilo easily spread actual flavoursome butter)

This woman has no idea about how to run a rental property. Essentially the house is her's insofar that she gets money from it and can expect it to be maintained to the standard that it was LET out at. It is not her's to dictate what lights are left on or off, and if they expect me to weed the garden that was not been tended in over a year, they WILL be billed for my time at a reasonable rate for an untrained labourer at fifteen dollars an hour. so if it takes me more than say a day, I will not pay rent for a week. woot.

I also asked for a little contract to be written up to give me some boundaries, and a little protection. Nope. turns out that she wants to reserve the right to tell me to leave at a moments notice. However she expects me to give her two weeks notice before leaving. let me tell you this my audience. that is most certainly not going to happen. she will find out when the rent stops flowing and my stuff is gone. look for my next post on the theory I have that all laws are based on a trade off between security and ability.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010


all right people.

A lot has happened these past few days, and it has been soooooo busy that I have run myself into the ground and haven't had the energy to sit on my big muscular rear end and write you all an entertaining blog post.

So here is an apology

Sorry my avid readers

Back to the show at hand.

I fixed my body clock. hooray. Only to have that come crumbling down at about two in the morning on Sunday. There was a family emergency and I was called in as emergency baby sitting. which wasn't too bad. The worst part was waiting up until 4 am to find out any news on the matter, then thinking screw it and went to bed. I got one glorious hour of sleep before being woken up with news, then was kept up by a verbal altercation. It was both loud and scary so I thought that my presence was definitely required just in case my infinitely strong intervention was required. Which it wasn't.

Anyway I then drove The Little Man back to his dad's place of residence, resulting in me getting home at about 0830 am. I then slept all day. So all that hard work in fixing my body clock was wasted :(

Monday was also pretty uneventful, Tuesday (yesterday for those keeping score at home) I got MY stuff moved into my new home... Oh yeah... Readers I now live in a house with carpet, central heating a decent kitchen, a full bathroom. Yes it is a real house. I am sad about my factory, but screw it I have a BATH now.

Anyway got my stuff in last night which was awesome, now I do not have to blow up the thing I sleep with every night. I have a real bed with a real mattress, and real blankets. Though I have no desk so blogging is increasingly difficult.

Today I woke up with a headache that was over 9000 big. That is a huge number for a huge amount of pain. Just huge. Like bigger than Texas. and Texas is the size of one Vistoria (which in Australia is one of our SMALLEST states. suck it USA (sorry to all my American readers, I think you are lovely people and are a very interesting culture)) Ergo I spent most of today curled up in the feotal position begging the pain monster to go attack shinx instead :P

However my saviour came in the form of nurofen plus. that stuff is the bomb.

Anyway this post has been an effort. I have not told you my fans about my forays onto the roads where everyone else is crazy on the roads. But thats another story

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

The joys of a screwed bodyclock

Well my bodyclock is screwed. Nothing will fix it. Except maybe a coma. Has anyone ever tried fixing a body's internal time keeping mechanism through massive brain trauma? I would be totally up for being a guinea pig if it means that I have normal waking hours.

A wise man once told me.
Energy drinks will screw your life up. I think that wise man was my common sense. Which went out the window the moment I considered that it would momentarily increase my mental alertness and waking time all while tasting great. This was at 10pm. Now most people would be thinking at this time that it wouldn't be the best idea to have something that keeps you awake for hours. Not me. I just thought oh my god delicious! So I proceeded to drink the recommended maximum amount of caffeine for a 24 hr period after three coffees and a couple of cola drinks already.

This worked out well for two hours when I still had stuff to do online. Then I quickly got bored. So I went to bed. Only then did I realise my mistake. The realisation slowly came upon me. I am not going to get any sleep. It was depressing. So I cracked out my trusty DS, and played some entertaining games. This was fun for a few hours.

The time was 3 am. I had gleaned all the entertainment I could out of my computer, my DS and from nicotine. This was dire times. The worst part was that the mental alert was running out, so I was a sad, hyperactive, tired mess.

I don't know what time I eventually drifted off, but the last time indication I had was hearing garbage trucks driving past. After a very quick fact finding mission I found out that the EARLIEST that these trucks go past is 5 am. OMG. 5 am.

A quick calculation reveals that to get the recommended 8 hours of sleep, I would have to have woken up later that mid day. For those astute among you I will let you know that I have been up for an hour, and it isn't even 11 am.

I am so tired.

Something about cans... I cannot totally remember it through my sleep deprivation .

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

A very long weekend

Wow I finally understand what people mean when they say that they need a holiday after their holiday. I am buggered and have battled a migraine today. Unfortunately for me, migraine uses head split, which is super effective.

So last update....

Spent most of Monday waiting for a phone call, but got off my rear end and called them. Armed with the information on when I had to be in a location I was able to plan my day. So I went for a drive. The drive was uneventful. But due to unforseen circumstances ended up being about 10 minutes late. After much profuse apologising I was loading up a desk onto a ute. That was awesome. I got to be big and manly by lifting stuff. Then I pretended to be a salesman selling used furniture. And they bought it... kinda. They are coming next weekend to pick it up, but I managed a sale ^_^

Then we continued a pokemarathon. This weekend we managed to watch about.... 9 pokemon dvds each about three hours long. it was non stop lol. For all those that follow shinx's blog, I am beating her at pokemon. I am so much better than her at games :P

This morning however things took a turn for the worse when I awoke with a migraine. so painful. Yet things turned for the better when for the first time in months I had Mcdonalds hotcakes ^_^. So full of flavour. Then I was bored so went back to sleep.

I don't remember much of the day as it was full of fitful and sleep. However I do know that Shinx had to catch a train at 1813. I was planning on leaving at 1630, however unforseen circumstances meant that we left at 1700. This under normal conditions would be ample time. however peak hour had other things to say. We made it to the station with 10 minutes to spare. We even made it to the train itself with seconds to spare. The problem was that upon arrival shinx used rage, meaning that she didn't get on the train. Thus we were left to organise a later train. This worked out fine. Then I drove home.

The End

P.S sorry about the lack of humour guys, but this migraine has temporarily disabled my funny bone.

Sunday, April 4, 2010

happy zombie jesus day

A little belayed, I know, but some things just cannot be avoided.

Since my last post not much has happened.

Except that I saw how to train your dragon. I friggin loved that movie. especially the part that had the dragons. It was sweet. Who hasn't wanted a pet dragon to fly?

Anyway I have had a boring Easter. When I hit 15 I got over chocolate, so in all honesty the only thing this weekend is good for is resting. Which gets boring after a while.

At the moment I am in a horrible and annoying state. I am tired but not sleepy. I am restless, but lethargic. I am alert yet apathetic. In essence I am a walking paradox, and honestly paradoxes can go suck my proverbial... vacuum cleaner...

Anyone know how I could entertain myself?

Friday, April 2, 2010

frustration overload

Hello computer.

Today started like any day. Sort of. I was up early, and was up and about, all excited about having this factory to myself this morning. Turns out that over nine thousand tiny things absolutely had to be repaired today. Including a superficial hub cap that hides the wheel nuts. That pointless job took two to three friggin hours. GRAH!!! *by this point I was ready to tear my hair out. *stolen from shinxy*

Then after this job a slightly less superficial job came up. This one was fixing the rear bumper bar. It had a habit of wobbling at high speeds due to a missing clip. Annoying? yes. Super critical? no. This job took three hours. I suggested duct tape to hold it on for the trip. If it is good enough for racing applications, it is good enough for a standard drive.

During all of this I am worried about moving cars to safer locations, including one that had a curfew. That in itself was a saga. We started to get ready to move at 6 pm sharp. All that was required for this curfewed car was an oil check, and a jump start. Guess how long it took. No seriously guess. If you said over 40 minutes, you would be right. We ended up having to break curfew to move it which was worrying.

At 8 pm we resumed work on the bumper bar. This took only 10 minutes, after which shinxy and myself went for a drive. Electric kittens and confined spaces don't mix so well. They get frustrated and all sparky. After being gone for around an hour, we get back fully expecting to have a locked factory to greet us with them either gone, or getting ready to go.

Oh no. not in the slightest. At first sight it looked like he just didn't fully pack up. On closer inspection it was revealed that the entire back seat had been removed. It turns out that perfect speakers are a critical requirement for a drive. I don't know about you, but so long as some speakers work, I am ready to go. Nope ALL of the speakers were checked, and two are currently being replaced.

What next? "Oh dear the upholstery isn't perfect. Must get that fixed right now!". I am not helping any more projects. The major ones were done. The not so major ones were done, now it is just the inane.

In the comments lets have a quick contest over the long weekend. Whomever comes up with the most hilarious and pointless thing to be fixed on a car gets... lets go with a picture of themselves as I envision them drawn horribly in paint. Or any other prize ideas would also be welcome.

Thursday, April 1, 2010

electric kitten arrives

Well today started like any other day. I woke up, didn't eat because I am poor, went to see my mum, and went to centrelink. Where this day changes from the ones before is that for once centrelink actually gave me money (for tomorrow). Which means that as of tomorrow I can afford luxuries like showers, a house, and if I am lucky, food. oh my god food. Then I had to rush off to attend a medical appointment.

In theory this is easy enough it is a medical place on a specific road. What I failed to recognise is that this particular road has precisiely a shit load of doctor's surgeries on it. So driving around for ages resulted in me finding what I thought was the place. Alas it was not, I had driven right past it. Luck was on my side however when I quickly found the next place, and more miraculously found a carpark. So I arrive at the appointment 20 minutes late, which was bad, what was good was the fact that I got to sit in the MOST comfortable chair ever.

Then I went back to the factory (which I am allowed to stay in again btw. Life is funny) and was off again to do errands. This came back to to bite me as I became late to pick up my best friend shinxy. however after a record low time of 10 minutes she was safely in my car, and oddly untalkative how very unlike shinxy :P

When we got back to the factory work began on John's car. We started at about 5 30 pm. There was a lot of work for me to do which was excellent. I got covered in grime and had a huge grin on my face. Then came time for the actual work, and going was slow. In the end it took us 8 hours to finish the job. Yes we didn't finish until 1 30 in the god damn morning. I am quite tired as I write this. Feel special my avid readers for I value your opinions more than I value a good night's sleep.

Moar cans!!!@!

Wednesday, March 31, 2010

my infinite awesomeness

Today I realised something. I am awesome. I woke up later than I thought it was and only had an hour to get ready for an appointment, the location was unknown, the phone number was unknown. After a little bit of googling I had found the place and was off to see my doctor.

I dodged several stupid drivers, including one guy who must have had the worlds most gutless car, and made it with plenty of time to spare.

The appointment went well, and before I knew it I was on the long road home. I knew the way, but to save effort and time, I tried a shortcut. It failed and I got kinda lost. However using my infinitely superior navigation skills I found where I needed to go. Go team me!

There is an intersection in Melbourne that I swear is designed to cause crashes, I had a green so I started forward as did the other two drives at my side, then all of a sudden cars were crossing our paths, with all drivers involved throwing very angry gestures and words at each other. The only way that could happen was if both directions had green arrows at the same time. Talk about scary. However I deftly avoided the confrontation and made it home safe

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

even more homeless now

Sadly my few avid readers, I lost the best living arrangement known to man. I will spare you the details, but through no fault of my own an argument was started, things were packed, and the police were called.

thankfully I bolted and evaded the police without the need for a high speed chase, and or an appearance on a reality tv show.

So for now I am crashing on a couch, meaning no super late night raves. :(

And more importantly nowhere to hoard my cans!!!!

Monday, March 29, 2010

another day in paradise

So today I finally got around to looking for actual places to stay.

I found a room in a place that had recently been on fire. Most would think of that as a bad thing, but it is the law of probability in essence. Why would fire strike the same place twice? Fire works like lightning right?

But in all seriousness, you can't go from hobo to extravagance in one jump it would be too much of a shock. Could you imagine not wanting to shower because it was too nice to ruin? I can, and frankly I would rather not smell like a hobo.

As I was driving there some guy was being a hooning idiot in a little rice burner car. Now my car is 15 years old, misfiring, and has seen an accident or two, but he saw my red plates of doom, and was challenging me to a drag. Knowing how shit those cars are at acceleration, I decided to race him to the speed limit. The light turned green, I looked at him, and the moment he started moving, I eased onto the throttle, and once I was rolling punched it. As we were entering a freeway, he didn't keep up. So for all of you that think because your car has a spoiler and a turbo makes it fast, realise that no matter how much you tweak it, physics says that unless you are boosting at 1 bar (13 psi for the noobs who don't understand atmospheres) your 1.8 litre engine cannot meet my 3.8 litres of sheer volume. it just cannot happen. Well unless your engine spins twice as fast, but honestly whose car revs up to 10k? In a drag race power is important, but torque is what wins races. So end story, unless it is a racing engine, a bigger volume will kill your car in any drag.

Just because I am the jobless hobo doesn't mean I are stoopid.

Seen any cans?

Sunday, March 28, 2010


Okay so last night I had a mate ring my phone (yes even hobo's need to communicate) asking if I wanted to see the formula 1 race in Melbourne today ( not all of a hobo's friends are hobos). So I got him to shout me.

After waiting in line for an hour just to get tickets we walked to maccas so he could have breakfast. I guilted him into getting me a double bacon mc muffin. Was so delicious. Then we went back to the races, and oh my god.

There was noise, and speed, and free stuff.

I got facial care from loreal for men for free, and product. So now I will be the best smelling hobo out there. I entered competitions, got a hat, and so many photos. oh so many photos. I walked around the track twice, and by that time the big race hadn't even started yet.

I didnt know how much ear punishment I could take, but I quickly found out that it is a lot. A f1 car is probably the loudest thing I have ever heard. There was carnage, and it was awesome.

It was good to get away from my hobo life, though as I left I saw oh so many cans lying on the ground and wished I had my can trolley. I didn't so I was sad for so much lost potential.

Saturday, March 27, 2010

smoke rings

Something magical happened today.

I was sitting in the factory thinking to myself. Bloody hell I am bored. Then I remembered. It is a factory. I can smoke inside. So instead of freezing my rear off in the wind and rain I was happily smoking away, then all of a sudden I saw something circular out of the corner of my eye. My cigarette had made a perfect circle of smoke. After some fiddling around I found the source of my wonder. If I moved the cigarette just right I would make a smoke ring. So happy way I in my new found skill that before I knew it, I had wasted a smoke. So I lit up another with every intention of sating my dirty addiction, but alas, 'twas not to be. **

** Note two cigarettes were wasted in the making of this post.

Friday, March 26, 2010

the saga continues

A long time ago in a factory far far away the car finally is ready to be put on the road.

Acquiring the studs was the easy part. The not so easy part was affixing them to my car. After 90 minutes of grunt work the wheel is now held on by 4 out of 5 bolts. as is every other wheel. Hooray for cannibalising my car to keep it on the road. should only be 20 dollars to get the rest of it. Do you know how many cans that is worth? its like 2000. With people being all eco wise these days, there are very few cans to be found.

However there is less than two weeks before I should have some money again. Not long before I get to eat again huzzah.

If you see any cans lying around let me know, because even though you found them I have claimed them as of now.

Thursday, March 25, 2010

operation move car at night

For those playing along at home, so all 1 of you, you may recall that me and cars have had an interesting month. First my baby decided that going where I wanted it to go was far too conformist so she decided that plowing into a guard rail was what all the cool cars were doing. Having had an exciting day fixing my car that ended a little into the following day, I assumed all was sweet. A few weeks later a wheel nearly falls off. yes. A. WHOLE. WHEEL. So my baby got relegated into being parked in the garage while I worked up the ability, time and funds to fix her.

Well today I got the new wheel studs. The only thing left to do was to get her from way up in the hills to the workshop where I could fix these things into her (yes at home in my factory, my god this is kickarse). However this required extreme talent/caution because have you ever tried to drive a car that is held together by goodwill and pats alone? It is bloody scary. So with John behind me we drove, at a whopping 40 km/h, or about 15 mph for those of you who are backwater and follow the imperial system.

Co driver wanted Maccas halfway home so we stopped there. Was boring, but 5 minutes later we were off again. 5 minutes after that we arrived, car is safe huzzah!

Tomorrow we fix her, more information then.

Stay away from my cans

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

foray into centrelink unsupervised

Today I went to centrelink on my own. serious business. I arrived at ten, waited in line for an hour, got an appointment for an hour's time, and had to wait a further hour after then to actually plead my case. So three hours in, I would at least hope to walk away having achieved something. Well as it turns out, the Australian government does not want people off the dole. Due to the fact I had over $1000 earnings last fortnight, I am entitled to exactly $0. Even though I explained to them that I am flat out broke because the reported earnings come in on the 6th of April. So hooray for not being able to afford luxuries like food. Hungry is an awesome feeling.

Further to the run around, it turns out my previous job, aside from being dicks, are also totally incompetent when it comes to paperwork. They listed my earnings from gruntwork as a payout. So when I was a good boy and listed my earnings on the form, centrelink have tried to double dip saying that I get that money twice.

Moral of the story, if you get on centrelink, don't try to get off it, it will leave you livid and wanting to leaping face stab people everywhere.

On a lighter note there was a lovely girl there with a spongebob related tattoo on each foot. I felt sorry for her and gave her a smoke. I am better than welfare. take that society


You know the funny thing about all government agencies? They can handle massive budgets yet have zero understanding of real world economics. For instance I have $1400 coming in next month. According to welfare I can use that money to pay for rent, food and fuel now. However I have yet to find one place that will accept a pinky promise as a form of delayed payment. Try as I might, there is no way to get emergency accommodation when you have earnings unpaid.

So I solace myself in the knowledge that my factory living arrangement is kickarse.

And work will follow.... eventually

Tuesday, March 23, 2010


hello random internet people.

Firstly I wanted to let you know why I chose this title and address. The answer is that it is true. Monday I lost my job (the bastards are saying I quit, and I don't care how you word it, saying that the company will have to "part comany" with me if I do not make it in on a given day, when I have a doctor telling me to take a few days off, means that you fired me). Two days earlier I got kicked out of my house. So I am a jobless hobo. Not in the sense that I carry all my worldly possessions in plastic bags in a shopping trolley, but in the sense that I sleep on a foam mattress on the floor of a factory.

There are some plus sides to my living arrangements.
1. Noboody around to complain if I have my infernal racket up to loud on a work night.
2. There is electricity
3. I have a kick arse alarm clock. The guy next door starts working at 7 am sharp every morning. That means he opens his very loud roller door at ten to 7, then starts banging away until 5pm. so I save money by not needing to have an alarm clock.
4. Actually I think I have listed them all really.

Oh and while I remember to fully round off the bad luck that I am having, a few weeks ago I was involved in a one vehicle car accident. Yes I hit a guard rail, and no said guard rail never did anything to me except save my life, for which I sincerely thanked it, which brings a side point up. How does one thank a guard rail? Usually cake is in order, but being made of steel and lacking even a rudimentary digestive system, I feel that cake would be wasted on this helpful railing. Any ideas?

Anyway back to the point at hand. Little did I know after said accident that it had shocked the wheel nuts on the OTHER side of my car loose, so as I was driving around my wheel was a wobblin, until saturday came, and my car started REALLY shaking. Upon further investigation, only the will of the FSM kept it on, and I had lost 3 bolts, and 4 nuts. meaning that there was only a loose fixture holding my car in a singular safe piece.

So to recap. In the last week I have lost my job, my house, and my car. Woot for me